Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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