You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
