I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
