It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize