no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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