i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The adults are the big ones right?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
