he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
