I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
