just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
