you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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