hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
