I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
