Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
