Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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