I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
