I bet he comes in French.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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