are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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