Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
