i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
