hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
