Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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