Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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