I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
