So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
