you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
