Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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