I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
