who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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