I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
