my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize