my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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