I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
