Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
