I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
