i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I'm really busy with my period
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