when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
