Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How external is "for external use only"?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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