The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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