She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
