A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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