just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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