You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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