thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
