Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
