I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
