This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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