if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
