so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
