the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
