Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
