Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
God, I missed his penis.
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