I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
