Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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