oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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