Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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