well I can't set my house on fire every night
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
