You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
