you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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