Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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