I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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