Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I understand Curling. That high.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
