I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
