Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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