Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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