literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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