Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
