some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
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I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i now understand why vodka
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