so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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