I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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