she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
NoShamevember. You game?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
