I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
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Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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