Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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