You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
