guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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