It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
this boner is exhausting
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
