i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
