I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
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He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
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I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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