You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
