and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
