yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
